As you know I am really struggling with my overall health right now; due to weight gain after a very high-risk and complicated pregnancy which I suffered from severe Hyperemesis. I know what some of you are saying to yourselves; “Wow, she needs to give herself a brake; she just had a baby 3 months ago!” I wish it were that easy. Hyperemesis causes so many complications and I can tell you first hand that weight gain after starving for so long is a major battle that so many of us face. I know I can’t blame my weight gain on my pregnancy because I didn’t gain weight; I lost weight, however, I do believe that it is part of the aftermath of HG.
It wasn’t until after I had my baby and was able to finally eat and drink that the pounds just started piling on. I wish they would just suddenly start melting off… I detected a problem weeks ago when I was unable to climb into the car without great effort. So, I decided it was time to weigh my options; no pun intended. As, you know I had a doctors appointment today. We discussed our options; I say, “Our” because whatever we decide affects my entire family.
My doctor addressed the fact that I am 5'5" and I weigh 225lbs; which gives me a BMI of 37.5 placing me in the obese category. I expressed to my doctor my concerns and how afraid I am; of my future health. I am fearful that I will be unable to keep up with my children. My children are my life. After everything that my family and I have endured; I am going to overcome this obstacle. The doctor kept looking at Eragon and he knew that I loved Our Precious Baby Boy. He stated, “Some people want to be able to wear a swimsuit at the beach and that is one reason why they consider getting the lap-band.”
I haven’t even pictured myself in a bathing suit. That is the furthest thing from my mind. My biggest goal is to be healthy; I want to no longer worry about my weight. I want to feel more energetic, younger and happier. I want to experience life with my family and not feel forced to tell my children; “Maybe tomorrow, I will jump on the trampoline with you!” Deep down knowing I can’t even climb up onto the trampoline to begin with.
While driving home from the doctor’s office today; I did my best to confide in my Dear Friend Sophia. I let the cat out of the bag that I was considering getting the lap band procedure done; and I was so excited about it! However, first thing she did was express her concern! At that time I didn’t want to hear about anyone’s concern. I just wanted everyone to agree with me. Maybe that is not fair. Deep down I know that it isn’t.
She is concerned about me and doesn’t think that I need to go through with the lap band surgery. She believes that I can lose the weight and be healthy again on my own without the procedure. However, due to the fact that I was so happy there was such a procedure out there; with great results for other people. I lashed out at my friend when she disagreed with me; using some not so nice words and colorful metaphors and hung up on her. I just wanted a magic fix! It is at that moment in an angry state of mind that I am forced to come back to reality. Knowing, deep down that there is no wave of a magic wand or fairy dust that can just erase the weight gain.
Therefore, I understand where she is coming from; however; I just wanted someone to hear and recognize that it is more than just diet and exercise for me. It is re-training myself to believe and know that I will never have to go without food and water again. It’s learning how to believe that I can achieve this goal and truly believing in myself; knowing that I do have a wonderful support system of family & friends. They always express great concern most times causing me to become upset and lose my composure until I have had time to think about where they are coming from.
A few hours later after the blow up with Sophia; my husband came home. He also had had a tough day at work. I started explaining to him about the lap band procedure and he too did not agree and noted his concerns about the cost and whether or not our family could afford it at this time. This further infuriated me and I lashed out at him as well. Telling him Sophia told me that she did not agree with me having the lap band procedure done at all. We discussed it further and came to the conclusion that I might still consider getting the procedure done if our HMO would be able to cover the cost; through another agency.
While taking a break from blogging I text messaged Sophia to let her know that I was okay. The last text she sent me said, “I am concerned about you”. I thought I should not leave her wondering if I was okay or not. I replied to her, “I love you and I am sorry for getting angry, I know you only care about me and are concerned! I am getting through this okay! Please read my blog and know that all of this is helping me and you being honest with me helps; even if at the time it upsets me. It is not you that upsets me it is the situation! I feel helpless sometimes; in this body! I love you!
This blog may not help anyone else but I do believe it is helping my family, friends and me. So, if it does help anyone else that is just a bonus.
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