1 Month Ago my Friend Carla called me and told me that she had to come right over to my house. She made it sound terribly urgent and I told her it was okay and whatever it was it could wait until tomorrow. She refused to wait! So, I told her to come on over. Never for one moment did I believe that what she had to show me was going to change my life forever.
I was getting ready to go have the Lap Band procedure done and after Carla showed me what she had stumbled across I no longer need to have the surgery. A few moments after she arrived at my house; she placed an It Works Ultimate Body Applicator across my belly lifting up my fat roll and told me for the next three days to drink half of my body weight in ounces of water and I would continue to see results for the next 72 hours. Boy was she right!
The purpose of me doing this is first to help keep me motivated and second, I hope to help others with their weight loss journey. I am just so happy that Carla found this great product and "It Works" and has changed my life forever! I know that "It Works" and I will prove it and hope that others will take my challenge and change their lives with me and share in their journey right here on my blog-spot. "It Works" The name says it all!
To find out more about the products please visit Carla's Website at http://www.newcreationinvasion.itworks.net/
I have been trying other products as well and will be posting transformation videos, pics before and after and blogging on my site at http://www.youtube.com/user/WowItWorks2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
The New Me; Post HG!
I went to bed last night thinking about my Blog Post for today. I kept thinking to myself what is it that I want others to be able to relate to? How can I help others cope with their struggles during HG and Post HG? It was then that I realized something; I am still laying there in that bed; stuck on bed rest, tubes coming out of my stomach, unable to eat and drink. My mindset is still there; I have lost focus of who I am and where I am. I realized last night that the most important step I want to take is to brake down the walls that I have built up during each pregnancy. I may have to tare them down one brick at a time; revealing a small piece of who I am; whatever it takes to find me again.
I am still that woman who once had a nice figure, who stood tall always displaying great confidence, Eager to express myself to others. Realizing that I am still her gave me hope that the woman staring back at me in the mirror is not me. She could never force me to stay trapped and feel as though I am never going to be me again. I built these walls during my struggles while pregnant doing my best to make sure that my baby and I were going to survive Hyperemesis; it is my job now to tear them down.
These thoughts of failure, defeat, and loneliness originated while I was laying in my bed praying for the survival of my baby and I. These thoughts should not remain the foundation of my life from here on out. It is my job to create new thoughts and re-establish who I am. I want to believe that I am an amazing wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I never want to lose focus of who I am again. Always believing that I am special. I think somewhere along the way I lost my direction and believed somehow that I was less than who I am.
Today, I looked in the mirror and I liked the woman smiling back at me. I finally saw her for who she was on the inside and told her that it is time we worked as a team and started transforming the outside to become a healthier ME and psychologically sound. It is important to note that HG takes a lot from a person psychologically as well; due to the malnutrition,dehydration and concerns for their unborn child(ren) and their own life as well.
I am still that woman who once had a nice figure, who stood tall always displaying great confidence, Eager to express myself to others. Realizing that I am still her gave me hope that the woman staring back at me in the mirror is not me. She could never force me to stay trapped and feel as though I am never going to be me again. I built these walls during my struggles while pregnant doing my best to make sure that my baby and I were going to survive Hyperemesis; it is my job now to tear them down.
These thoughts of failure, defeat, and loneliness originated while I was laying in my bed praying for the survival of my baby and I. These thoughts should not remain the foundation of my life from here on out. It is my job to create new thoughts and re-establish who I am. I want to believe that I am an amazing wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I never want to lose focus of who I am again. Always believing that I am special. I think somewhere along the way I lost my direction and believed somehow that I was less than who I am.
Today, I looked in the mirror and I liked the woman smiling back at me. I finally saw her for who she was on the inside and told her that it is time we worked as a team and started transforming the outside to become a healthier ME and psychologically sound. It is important to note that HG takes a lot from a person psychologically as well; due to the malnutrition,dehydration and concerns for their unborn child(ren) and their own life as well.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Together We Can Make it All fall Together; Even Post HG
To reveal the secret identity of my estranged family member; it is my step-mother Annetta. Who helped me so much at a young age! She taught me to cook, clean, and deal with future financial situations. I am very happy that we have reconciled and reconnected. I know that she is valued now and in the future. The one thing that I enjoyed hearing was how proud my Dad was of both my Husband and I; and how much he enjoyed the children. She stated, “Your Dad, only had good things to say about your husband. I was very pleased to hear that; my Dad liked my husband so much that he would tell others about him. I told her that my husband completes me. She was very happy to hear that.
My morning started off with a text from Sophia telling me that she was going to be late. When is she ever on time? Lol… I guess most people could say the same about me… I was kind of glad she was running late; I knew I could stay in bed just a little while longer and snuggle with my little bundle of joy. Don’t tell Perry, he will be jealous… He would love to be able to stay at home with our little guy again… He was able to stay home for 7 weeks during family bonding time. During that time Perry and Eragon became very close. Having Perry home was a blessing and he helped complete many of the goals that we wanted to accomplish.
When Sophia finally arrived; we spoke about the lap-band procedure and the pros and cons. I came to a decision to wait on the lap-band procedure and try a healthier approach; consisting of smaller portions, less starches, cutting down on soda, drinking plenty of water throughout my day and the list goes on and on to a healthier ME! My friend Sophia and I are going to help each other stay focused and committed to our new healthy way of eating and hydrating.
Update: DMV Crisis averted; my husband, me and the Dealer worked together to get taxes title and tags paid for by tomorrow, Thank God! The DMV Employee could have suggested that we work things out with the dealer to pay tax, tags and title; as most people do when they purchase an automobile. Our hope is that in the future they could be trained to be a lot more courteous and helpful. We know, that starts from the management down; not the worker and up.
Soon, after the crisis with my Post HG weight gain and the DMV upset were taken care of Grandma called and visited with her grandson Eragon. She calls and talks to him daily and they had a silly fun time as usual. We enjoy hearing my Mom talk to our son; in a way that can only be felt from our hearts. We are so glad that she has moved closer and can share time with him and all of our children while they are young and can watch them grow. These are the moments that will be cherished for a lifetime.
When my husband arrived home from work today; we didn’t have anything to argue about because like he always says, “Everything was falling together; not falling apart!” Eragon and his Daddy played and laughed together while I whipped up some dinner. We had a great dinner and played with Eragon some more; then completed our blog for the day.
Hope you have as great a day as we did or greater and continue greatness for tomorrow. Remember as Perry says, “It is all falling together.”
My morning started off with a text from Sophia telling me that she was going to be late. When is she ever on time? Lol… I guess most people could say the same about me… I was kind of glad she was running late; I knew I could stay in bed just a little while longer and snuggle with my little bundle of joy. Don’t tell Perry, he will be jealous… He would love to be able to stay at home with our little guy again… He was able to stay home for 7 weeks during family bonding time. During that time Perry and Eragon became very close. Having Perry home was a blessing and he helped complete many of the goals that we wanted to accomplish.
When Sophia finally arrived; we spoke about the lap-band procedure and the pros and cons. I came to a decision to wait on the lap-band procedure and try a healthier approach; consisting of smaller portions, less starches, cutting down on soda, drinking plenty of water throughout my day and the list goes on and on to a healthier ME! My friend Sophia and I are going to help each other stay focused and committed to our new healthy way of eating and hydrating.
Update: DMV Crisis averted; my husband, me and the Dealer worked together to get taxes title and tags paid for by tomorrow, Thank God! The DMV Employee could have suggested that we work things out with the dealer to pay tax, tags and title; as most people do when they purchase an automobile. Our hope is that in the future they could be trained to be a lot more courteous and helpful. We know, that starts from the management down; not the worker and up.
Soon, after the crisis with my Post HG weight gain and the DMV upset were taken care of Grandma called and visited with her grandson Eragon. She calls and talks to him daily and they had a silly fun time as usual. We enjoy hearing my Mom talk to our son; in a way that can only be felt from our hearts. We are so glad that she has moved closer and can share time with him and all of our children while they are young and can watch them grow. These are the moments that will be cherished for a lifetime.
When my husband arrived home from work today; we didn’t have anything to argue about because like he always says, “Everything was falling together; not falling apart!” Eragon and his Daddy played and laughed together while I whipped up some dinner. We had a great dinner and played with Eragon some more; then completed our blog for the day.
Hope you have as great a day as we did or greater and continue greatness for tomorrow. Remember as Perry says, “It is all falling together.”
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Logistics of Life, Complicated by Misunderstandings and Misnomers of HG; complicated further by Post HG!
Have you ever woken after a night of broken sleep knowing that you are going to have one of those days? The type of day you wish you could go back to bed and repetitively smash your alarm clock hitting the snooze button again and again and again… That’s how my day started… lol. My phone rang a little before 9:00am; yes, to answer your question I was still in bed. The baby had woken during the night and was ready to play at 2am. Eragon’s motto is 2am party my crib!!! When Daddy woke up for work he discovered a happy playful little boy at 4:30am and he was surprised. However, I was not because I had been up with him doing my best to convince him that he wanted to return back to sleep; Wishing that I knew a form of baby hypnosis.
So, when the phone rang just before 9am; I glanced and saw that it was My Best Friend of 15 years Melissa. I wanted to answer but I was just too tired and I pressed decline. I knew I could call her back. However, a few moments later, Little Miss Sophia had other plans of waking me up. She started texting, “Where is the blog posted?” A few minutes later she text, “I am looking for it and can’t find it on MySpace or Facebook.” I replied, “Google”. Wanting to send her on a semi wild goose chase; my little bit of fun for the day. She said, “K”. She really wanted me to send the hyper link to my blog in an Instant Message immediately. However, what is the first thing you have to do when you wake up? Of course everyone got the answer right! Potty Time… So, I replied in a text, “I am on the Toilet or I would send you the link!” At this point she was getting anxious she was really intrigued and I wanted to hurry and get on with my day so she could read it...
Quite frankly I was nervous that she was going to hate what I talked about in my blog yesterday. I finally gave in and just sent the link to the blog! It was too late now! What was done was done; I had already published it to the worldwide web. Therefore, I sat there nervously awaiting her response. Sitting on the edge of my seat; biting my nails. As I patiently waited I sent her an IM; “There are 4 entries since I stated this journey I will be blogging everyday! It is helping.” She then replied, “I am glad that it is helping and I will read them.” She then stated, “I have read the first one, loved it. I feel your pain and frustration and that is exactly what I told Stacy today. I told Stacy that you wanted me to be on the same page as you and to be over excited. But, I just could not be. I needed you to know what I feel and that way when you have things that may come about because of the surgery; you wouldn’t say why didn’t you tell me this?"
It was at that point that I agreed with Sophia. I knew that there were possibilities that things could go wrong with the surgery. I also knew that the procedure was expensive. It was at that point that I realized that I wanted to do this on my own without the surgery. I know that I can do this and that I have many great people who love me and will support me. While she was still reading I said, “So, are you upset about my blog?” “No”, she said. I love your blog. You must continue blogging. This blog will be able to reach others who have suffered from Hyperemesis just as you have and may help them in their moment of weakness. She continued on… I think it is great you are touching on a topic that not many get. What you are doing is going to help others be able to learn how to cope; while you help yourself and your family at the same time and I will be a main character tomorrow too; that’s pretty exciting."
Sophia said, “I love you and I am glad that your phone cut out yesterday when you were saying some not so nice things, I didn’t hear any of them. lol....I was just talking to myself for about 5 minutes. I replied, “I am glad to hear that you didn’t hear the things that I had to say. Truth is I didn't really want to say them to anyone. I just feel trapped in this body.” She retorted, “I know I know and I am sorry you feel this way, but we will work through it okay. I want you to know the things that I am feeling for you, and then if you decided to go further with the surgery I will support you.” I then told her, “I think it is going to be a great blog and someday book that will help others see the true daily struggles those who have suffered from HG go through.” She said, “Yes, so true.” I then replied, “Thanks for always letting me vent. It helps... Perry, well, he gets the whole enchilada when it comes to my feelings I hold nothing back... Sophia stated, “I don’t want to nag at you. I have had a day or so to think about what I want to say to you. We will talk (not nag) tomorrow okay?” I left off by telling her “Thank You! Yeah, I haven't decided yet! But you will be one of the first to know besides me and my hubby of course lol…Sophia then replied, “I am glad that you have not made your mind up just yet, because that allows us time to talk about it. I told her that I would see her tomorrow.
On another note, last weekend we bought a new car in Las Vegas. We had 10 days to register it in California. So, off to the DMV we went Little Eragon and I; to stand in the line that wraps around the building like a vine that is never-ending. After three times of standing in the line; I finally made it inside the DMV doors; me and over 50 other people who were told that we would be seen; however; we would only be able to complete one transaction. What? That is crazy. I just waited in the line three times and had to leave the line twice to go feed my baby and now I can’t take care of the two items that I am there to take care of. I know, that is not their fault; that I am nursing my baby. However, the poor customer service that is received when we go to the DMV is brutal. As I approached the clerk’s desk; she looked at me like I should no exactly what I need to do. When I wanted to ask questions she acted like that was against the law. My hope is that some of our tax dollars go towards sending these DMV Employees to Customer Service Boot Camp! That would be tax dollars well spent.
Tomorrow I have a surprise for you and I will reveal the name of the person of whom I speak! After almost 5 years I reconnected today, with someone that I love very much. We were able to talk and let each other know how much we care for one another. We lost contact 5 years ago when some of my family members were concerned about my children and they blamed me for things that were out of my control. HG caused me to lose several of my babies during pregnancy and temporarily I lost contact and was only allowed supervised visits with my only two children at the time who had survived HG. I believe that this happened due to the lack of knowledge concerning this pregnancy disease/disorder and Misunderstandings and several Misnomers surrounding this disease. When this happened I lost contact with my family. I felt betrayed because when I needed them the most they gave up on me; without knowing anything about HG and its many complications to both the mother and her children; not to mention post HG conditions.
They judged the situation and me saying that I was somehow to blame for my symptoms of HG. Sighting wild accusations to name a few; me being attention seeking, bulimic, not to mention Munchausen’s Bi Proxy and blaming me for things that were out of my control both physically and psychologically because of HG. These same accusations are often placed upon a multitude of Hyperemesis Gravidarum victims. Just like other diseases, disorders or illnesses that were beginning to be understood and now are highly understood through research and education; HG was and is in the Infancy of being understood due to the lack of research and education. Both my husband, myself and the HER Foundation founders; Kimber MacGibbon, AnnMarie and Jeremy King are considered Experts by many; such as Loma Linda University Hospital of California and are often called upon to educate others on the many facets of HG and the complications thereof; because of our life experience with HG.
It is because of our understanding of HG that I was able to tell the surprise person that my sister who at the time lived several states away also suffered from the same illness; furthermore my sister and I had no contact with each other for thirteen years during that time and discovered later that we both suffered from HG during pregnancy. This aided in validating in her mind what I was explaining to her about HG and how it put a wedge between us and many other family members due to their lack of understanding of HG. My hope is that through our experience others will be able to understand the seriousness of HG and how important it is for family and friends to help the Mother and her immediate family through the pregnancy and do their best to comprehend that it is not within her control.
It makes me very happy to know that I have so much support. My hope is that others will be able to gain the same support in the future.
So, when the phone rang just before 9am; I glanced and saw that it was My Best Friend of 15 years Melissa. I wanted to answer but I was just too tired and I pressed decline. I knew I could call her back. However, a few moments later, Little Miss Sophia had other plans of waking me up. She started texting, “Where is the blog posted?” A few minutes later she text, “I am looking for it and can’t find it on MySpace or Facebook.” I replied, “Google”. Wanting to send her on a semi wild goose chase; my little bit of fun for the day. She said, “K”. She really wanted me to send the hyper link to my blog in an Instant Message immediately. However, what is the first thing you have to do when you wake up? Of course everyone got the answer right! Potty Time… So, I replied in a text, “I am on the Toilet or I would send you the link!” At this point she was getting anxious she was really intrigued and I wanted to hurry and get on with my day so she could read it...
Quite frankly I was nervous that she was going to hate what I talked about in my blog yesterday. I finally gave in and just sent the link to the blog! It was too late now! What was done was done; I had already published it to the worldwide web. Therefore, I sat there nervously awaiting her response. Sitting on the edge of my seat; biting my nails. As I patiently waited I sent her an IM; “There are 4 entries since I stated this journey I will be blogging everyday! It is helping.” She then replied, “I am glad that it is helping and I will read them.” She then stated, “I have read the first one, loved it. I feel your pain and frustration and that is exactly what I told Stacy today. I told Stacy that you wanted me to be on the same page as you and to be over excited. But, I just could not be. I needed you to know what I feel and that way when you have things that may come about because of the surgery; you wouldn’t say why didn’t you tell me this?"
It was at that point that I agreed with Sophia. I knew that there were possibilities that things could go wrong with the surgery. I also knew that the procedure was expensive. It was at that point that I realized that I wanted to do this on my own without the surgery. I know that I can do this and that I have many great people who love me and will support me. While she was still reading I said, “So, are you upset about my blog?” “No”, she said. I love your blog. You must continue blogging. This blog will be able to reach others who have suffered from Hyperemesis just as you have and may help them in their moment of weakness. She continued on… I think it is great you are touching on a topic that not many get. What you are doing is going to help others be able to learn how to cope; while you help yourself and your family at the same time and I will be a main character tomorrow too; that’s pretty exciting."
Sophia said, “I love you and I am glad that your phone cut out yesterday when you were saying some not so nice things, I didn’t hear any of them. lol....I was just talking to myself for about 5 minutes. I replied, “I am glad to hear that you didn’t hear the things that I had to say. Truth is I didn't really want to say them to anyone. I just feel trapped in this body.” She retorted, “I know I know and I am sorry you feel this way, but we will work through it okay. I want you to know the things that I am feeling for you, and then if you decided to go further with the surgery I will support you.” I then told her, “I think it is going to be a great blog and someday book that will help others see the true daily struggles those who have suffered from HG go through.” She said, “Yes, so true.” I then replied, “Thanks for always letting me vent. It helps... Perry, well, he gets the whole enchilada when it comes to my feelings I hold nothing back... Sophia stated, “I don’t want to nag at you. I have had a day or so to think about what I want to say to you. We will talk (not nag) tomorrow okay?” I left off by telling her “Thank You! Yeah, I haven't decided yet! But you will be one of the first to know besides me and my hubby of course lol…Sophia then replied, “I am glad that you have not made your mind up just yet, because that allows us time to talk about it. I told her that I would see her tomorrow.
On another note, last weekend we bought a new car in Las Vegas. We had 10 days to register it in California. So, off to the DMV we went Little Eragon and I; to stand in the line that wraps around the building like a vine that is never-ending. After three times of standing in the line; I finally made it inside the DMV doors; me and over 50 other people who were told that we would be seen; however; we would only be able to complete one transaction. What? That is crazy. I just waited in the line three times and had to leave the line twice to go feed my baby and now I can’t take care of the two items that I am there to take care of. I know, that is not their fault; that I am nursing my baby. However, the poor customer service that is received when we go to the DMV is brutal. As I approached the clerk’s desk; she looked at me like I should no exactly what I need to do. When I wanted to ask questions she acted like that was against the law. My hope is that some of our tax dollars go towards sending these DMV Employees to Customer Service Boot Camp! That would be tax dollars well spent.
Tomorrow I have a surprise for you and I will reveal the name of the person of whom I speak! After almost 5 years I reconnected today, with someone that I love very much. We were able to talk and let each other know how much we care for one another. We lost contact 5 years ago when some of my family members were concerned about my children and they blamed me for things that were out of my control. HG caused me to lose several of my babies during pregnancy and temporarily I lost contact and was only allowed supervised visits with my only two children at the time who had survived HG. I believe that this happened due to the lack of knowledge concerning this pregnancy disease/disorder and Misunderstandings and several Misnomers surrounding this disease. When this happened I lost contact with my family. I felt betrayed because when I needed them the most they gave up on me; without knowing anything about HG and its many complications to both the mother and her children; not to mention post HG conditions.
They judged the situation and me saying that I was somehow to blame for my symptoms of HG. Sighting wild accusations to name a few; me being attention seeking, bulimic, not to mention Munchausen’s Bi Proxy and blaming me for things that were out of my control both physically and psychologically because of HG. These same accusations are often placed upon a multitude of Hyperemesis Gravidarum victims. Just like other diseases, disorders or illnesses that were beginning to be understood and now are highly understood through research and education; HG was and is in the Infancy of being understood due to the lack of research and education. Both my husband, myself and the HER Foundation founders; Kimber MacGibbon, AnnMarie and Jeremy King are considered Experts by many; such as Loma Linda University Hospital of California and are often called upon to educate others on the many facets of HG and the complications thereof; because of our life experience with HG.
It is because of our understanding of HG that I was able to tell the surprise person that my sister who at the time lived several states away also suffered from the same illness; furthermore my sister and I had no contact with each other for thirteen years during that time and discovered later that we both suffered from HG during pregnancy. This aided in validating in her mind what I was explaining to her about HG and how it put a wedge between us and many other family members due to their lack of understanding of HG. My hope is that through our experience others will be able to understand the seriousness of HG and how important it is for family and friends to help the Mother and her immediate family through the pregnancy and do their best to comprehend that it is not within her control.
It makes me very happy to know that I have so much support. My hope is that others will be able to gain the same support in the future.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Concerned About My Weight Gain; and Post HG!
As you know I am really struggling with my overall health right now; due to weight gain after a very high-risk and complicated pregnancy which I suffered from severe Hyperemesis. I know what some of you are saying to yourselves; “Wow, she needs to give herself a brake; she just had a baby 3 months ago!” I wish it were that easy. Hyperemesis causes so many complications and I can tell you first hand that weight gain after starving for so long is a major battle that so many of us face. I know I can’t blame my weight gain on my pregnancy because I didn’t gain weight; I lost weight, however, I do believe that it is part of the aftermath of HG.
It wasn’t until after I had my baby and was able to finally eat and drink that the pounds just started piling on. I wish they would just suddenly start melting off… I detected a problem weeks ago when I was unable to climb into the car without great effort. So, I decided it was time to weigh my options; no pun intended. As, you know I had a doctors appointment today. We discussed our options; I say, “Our” because whatever we decide affects my entire family.
My doctor addressed the fact that I am 5'5" and I weigh 225lbs; which gives me a BMI of 37.5 placing me in the obese category. I expressed to my doctor my concerns and how afraid I am; of my future health. I am fearful that I will be unable to keep up with my children. My children are my life. After everything that my family and I have endured; I am going to overcome this obstacle. The doctor kept looking at Eragon and he knew that I loved Our Precious Baby Boy. He stated, “Some people want to be able to wear a swimsuit at the beach and that is one reason why they consider getting the lap-band.”
I haven’t even pictured myself in a bathing suit. That is the furthest thing from my mind. My biggest goal is to be healthy; I want to no longer worry about my weight. I want to feel more energetic, younger and happier. I want to experience life with my family and not feel forced to tell my children; “Maybe tomorrow, I will jump on the trampoline with you!” Deep down knowing I can’t even climb up onto the trampoline to begin with.
While driving home from the doctor’s office today; I did my best to confide in my Dear Friend Sophia. I let the cat out of the bag that I was considering getting the lap band procedure done; and I was so excited about it! However, first thing she did was express her concern! At that time I didn’t want to hear about anyone’s concern. I just wanted everyone to agree with me. Maybe that is not fair. Deep down I know that it isn’t.
She is concerned about me and doesn’t think that I need to go through with the lap band surgery. She believes that I can lose the weight and be healthy again on my own without the procedure. However, due to the fact that I was so happy there was such a procedure out there; with great results for other people. I lashed out at my friend when she disagreed with me; using some not so nice words and colorful metaphors and hung up on her. I just wanted a magic fix! It is at that moment in an angry state of mind that I am forced to come back to reality. Knowing, deep down that there is no wave of a magic wand or fairy dust that can just erase the weight gain.
Therefore, I understand where she is coming from; however; I just wanted someone to hear and recognize that it is more than just diet and exercise for me. It is re-training myself to believe and know that I will never have to go without food and water again. It’s learning how to believe that I can achieve this goal and truly believing in myself; knowing that I do have a wonderful support system of family & friends. They always express great concern most times causing me to become upset and lose my composure until I have had time to think about where they are coming from.
A few hours later after the blow up with Sophia; my husband came home. He also had had a tough day at work. I started explaining to him about the lap band procedure and he too did not agree and noted his concerns about the cost and whether or not our family could afford it at this time. This further infuriated me and I lashed out at him as well. Telling him Sophia told me that she did not agree with me having the lap band procedure done at all. We discussed it further and came to the conclusion that I might still consider getting the procedure done if our HMO would be able to cover the cost; through another agency.
While taking a break from blogging I text messaged Sophia to let her know that I was okay. The last text she sent me said, “I am concerned about you”. I thought I should not leave her wondering if I was okay or not. I replied to her, “I love you and I am sorry for getting angry, I know you only care about me and are concerned! I am getting through this okay! Please read my blog and know that all of this is helping me and you being honest with me helps; even if at the time it upsets me. It is not you that upsets me it is the situation! I feel helpless sometimes; in this body! I love you!
This blog may not help anyone else but I do believe it is helping my family, friends and me. So, if it does help anyone else that is just a bonus.
It wasn’t until after I had my baby and was able to finally eat and drink that the pounds just started piling on. I wish they would just suddenly start melting off… I detected a problem weeks ago when I was unable to climb into the car without great effort. So, I decided it was time to weigh my options; no pun intended. As, you know I had a doctors appointment today. We discussed our options; I say, “Our” because whatever we decide affects my entire family.
My doctor addressed the fact that I am 5'5" and I weigh 225lbs; which gives me a BMI of 37.5 placing me in the obese category. I expressed to my doctor my concerns and how afraid I am; of my future health. I am fearful that I will be unable to keep up with my children. My children are my life. After everything that my family and I have endured; I am going to overcome this obstacle. The doctor kept looking at Eragon and he knew that I loved Our Precious Baby Boy. He stated, “Some people want to be able to wear a swimsuit at the beach and that is one reason why they consider getting the lap-band.”
I haven’t even pictured myself in a bathing suit. That is the furthest thing from my mind. My biggest goal is to be healthy; I want to no longer worry about my weight. I want to feel more energetic, younger and happier. I want to experience life with my family and not feel forced to tell my children; “Maybe tomorrow, I will jump on the trampoline with you!” Deep down knowing I can’t even climb up onto the trampoline to begin with.
While driving home from the doctor’s office today; I did my best to confide in my Dear Friend Sophia. I let the cat out of the bag that I was considering getting the lap band procedure done; and I was so excited about it! However, first thing she did was express her concern! At that time I didn’t want to hear about anyone’s concern. I just wanted everyone to agree with me. Maybe that is not fair. Deep down I know that it isn’t.
She is concerned about me and doesn’t think that I need to go through with the lap band surgery. She believes that I can lose the weight and be healthy again on my own without the procedure. However, due to the fact that I was so happy there was such a procedure out there; with great results for other people. I lashed out at my friend when she disagreed with me; using some not so nice words and colorful metaphors and hung up on her. I just wanted a magic fix! It is at that moment in an angry state of mind that I am forced to come back to reality. Knowing, deep down that there is no wave of a magic wand or fairy dust that can just erase the weight gain.
Therefore, I understand where she is coming from; however; I just wanted someone to hear and recognize that it is more than just diet and exercise for me. It is re-training myself to believe and know that I will never have to go without food and water again. It’s learning how to believe that I can achieve this goal and truly believing in myself; knowing that I do have a wonderful support system of family & friends. They always express great concern most times causing me to become upset and lose my composure until I have had time to think about where they are coming from.
A few hours later after the blow up with Sophia; my husband came home. He also had had a tough day at work. I started explaining to him about the lap band procedure and he too did not agree and noted his concerns about the cost and whether or not our family could afford it at this time. This further infuriated me and I lashed out at him as well. Telling him Sophia told me that she did not agree with me having the lap band procedure done at all. We discussed it further and came to the conclusion that I might still consider getting the procedure done if our HMO would be able to cover the cost; through another agency.
While taking a break from blogging I text messaged Sophia to let her know that I was okay. The last text she sent me said, “I am concerned about you”. I thought I should not leave her wondering if I was okay or not. I replied to her, “I love you and I am sorry for getting angry, I know you only care about me and are concerned! I am getting through this okay! Please read my blog and know that all of this is helping me and you being honest with me helps; even if at the time it upsets me. It is not you that upsets me it is the situation! I feel helpless sometimes; in this body! I love you!
This blog may not help anyone else but I do believe it is helping my family, friends and me. So, if it does help anyone else that is just a bonus.
Monday, April 5, 2010
April 5, 2010
I am so overjoyed now that Our Miracle Baby, Eragon Cade has arrived. We have been awaiting our baby’s arrival for so long and we are blessed to finally hold him in our arms. Unless you have experienced Hyperemesis Gravidarum yourself; you may be unaware of all of the struggles that one endures due to the lack of knowledge of this serious and devastating pregnancy disease, disorder or condition. After being unable to eat or drink during my pregnancies and having feeding tubes placed in my stomach for 9 months to keep my baby and me alive. I find myself feeling as if I am not going to get enough to eat now. I am battling with this feeling everyday.
It seems as though my body stores everything that I eat as fat. I just want to be healthy again! I gained weight because I knew I wanted to have another baby just in case I didn't receive proper care and for good reason. However, it is so hard to lose once you have put the weight on. I feel horrible at this weight… I woke up on Saturday and I could barely walk. My left hip felt like it was out of place or something and my right shoulder was hurting extremely bad and I could not lift it. I have been taking Tylenol to ease the pain. My husband massaged me to help ease the pain; he in so supportive! I am the luckiest woman in the world. I don't feel attractive; even though he does his best to always show his affection for me. I have never been this big in my life, so, it is hard for me to accept that I am still beautiful.
I weigh 225lbs right now. After I had Eragon I was down to 207lbs and now that I can eat again the weight is piling on fast. I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I keep screaming I want to get off and no one hears me. I have to do something quick to stop the weight gain. I am scared if I don’t do something now that it will be too late. Together my husband and I have 5 beautiful children to help raise and they are such a joy to live for and being over weight is not safe for anyone. Especially, someone whose body has been through what mine has.
My goal is to be at my healthy weight of 145lbs. I know that I can do this! Those of us who have experienced HG; battle with many different complications and it is time that we help each other through it. I tell myself each day that I am strong and I can get through this after surviving HG. Anyone who can go without food or anything by mouth for 9 months can overcome just about anything. Not just anyone could survive HG. It takes strength; and courage.
Remember those who have survived HG, fought so hard to have their babies! We fought for our own life and our baby/babies survival; now we want to fight for our health and survival. I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror and I cry! As I watch the tears roll down my cheeks, I ask myself, “Who is the stranger in the mirror staring back at me”? I don't want to be the woman in the mirror staring back at me! I want to be alive for my children and I am not going to allow HG to steal anymore of my life away from me or my family.
I promise from here on out; I am going to take my life back. I want all of us who have suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum to stand together and take our lives back. Scream to the highest mountain top that you are the strength from within; letting everyone know that you are never going to allow HG to cripple you and your family anymore.
I want us to look our miracles in the eyes and say I love you and I fought to keep us alive during my weakest point in life; when I was pregnant with you. To survive Hyperemesis Gravidarum is truly a miracle.
Everyday that I awoke to a new day, when I was pregnant, I was surprised! Everyday I felt as if it were my last. I thought many days that I was going to die. Sometimes, the pain was so bad I wished I would have died instead of feeling the pain that I had to suffer. It was at those points of weakness I thought of my beautiful children and remembered that they were the reason why I would go through this again. If I didn’t go through this I would not have my babies. They truly give my life meaning. Without them I would not be whole.
I am meeting with my doctor tomorrow to discuss my options. Whatever, decision we make is going to be best for me and my family. This journey is dedicated to my Husband Perry, and our five Beautiful children. Never forgetting Our Babies Who are Angels in Heaven; whose lives were stolen by HG!
My Game Plan; Eat Healthier, Exercise, Support Group, Drink Plenty of Water and Blog Daily to Change my life and everyone around me. Keep a journal and help others not lose focus.
| Game Plan | yes | no |
| Eat 2,500 calories daily | | |
| Drink 15oz of water every hr awake | | |
| Exercise | | |
| Support Group | | |
| Post Blog | | |
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Eragon Cade
Our little Miracle Eragon Cade was born on December 12, 2009. He has completed our family! We are blessed to have him in our life and so our story of a successful pregnancy and birth begins. The purpose of our blog is to share our story and aid other families in their struggle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum; and the many complications it may pose now and in the future! We will be posting daily as we are still struggling with the aftermath of Hyperemesis Gravidarum; challenges with healthy eating habits, mood, dental health, and overall physical well-being.
Keep the faith in your family and be strong and hopefully they will return that same strength!
Keep the faith in your family and be strong and hopefully they will return that same strength!
Hyperemesis Gravidurium Round 11...
Many of my friends called me crazy! They said I should have been happy to have my Son and Daughter and that I should have stopped trying to have another baby. So, I went through my pregnancy's alone telling only a few close friends. I couldn't tell anyone else just in case I lost the baby; I knew how they must feel when we bumped into one another at Wal-Mart and they'd say, "How is the pregnancy going? You look great!" As the look of emptiness is left upon my face and I have to reply, "The baby went to be with God!" It is at that moment that I have often wondered why I wanted so much to have another baby after the Hell that my family and I have been through during my pregnancies; Now 11 of them because of Hyperemesis Gravidarum.
HG has caused my family so much pain and suffering. However, I have decided that I am not going to allow it to prevent me from having the children my husband and I so desire. We are taking a stand; I love my 2 children and they are the reason I wanted another baby. It is Orion and Destiny that have given me life. Being a Mom is the most wonderful and rewarding experience in the world. My husband supported me in our plans to have another baby.
I love being a Mom; holding them for the first time, hearing their first cry and guiding them through life. When I was a little girl I remember playing house and always pretending that I had 12 babies. I wanted a large family and HG has taken my dream away from me.
I wanted to be a happy pregnant Mommy with the pregnancy glow and the cute tummy. Instead while I am pregnant; I am malnourished, dying, and unable to eat and drink!
HG has caused my family so much pain and suffering. However, I have decided that I am not going to allow it to prevent me from having the children my husband and I so desire. We are taking a stand; I love my 2 children and they are the reason I wanted another baby. It is Orion and Destiny that have given me life. Being a Mom is the most wonderful and rewarding experience in the world. My husband supported me in our plans to have another baby.
I love being a Mom; holding them for the first time, hearing their first cry and guiding them through life. When I was a little girl I remember playing house and always pretending that I had 12 babies. I wanted a large family and HG has taken my dream away from me.
I wanted to be a happy pregnant Mommy with the pregnancy glow and the cute tummy. Instead while I am pregnant; I am malnourished, dying, and unable to eat and drink!
Our Babies in Heaven are Our Angels here on Earth! God sent us many Angels and We are Blessed!!!
Hope Nicole 2-6-99 HG Hero and home with GOD
Faith Nicolette 2-6-99 HG Hero and home with GOD
Orion Brock 11-30-00 HG Survivor
Destiny Rochelle 3-18-03 HG Survivor
Topanga Ashleigh 5-27-04 HG Hero and home with GOD
Sophia Bayleigh 6-20-05 HG Hero and home with GOD
Charlie Ray 1-15-06 HG Hero and home with GOD
Ayden Rae 6-12-07 HG Hero and home with GOD
Perri Rae 7-23-08 HG Hero and home with GOD
Seth Kade 12-17-08 HG Hero and home with GOD
Faith Nicolette 2-6-99 HG Hero and home with GOD
Orion Brock 11-30-00 HG Survivor
Destiny Rochelle 3-18-03 HG Survivor
Topanga Ashleigh 5-27-04 HG Hero and home with GOD
Sophia Bayleigh 6-20-05 HG Hero and home with GOD
Charlie Ray 1-15-06 HG Hero and home with GOD
Ayden Rae 6-12-07 HG Hero and home with GOD
Perri Rae 7-23-08 HG Hero and home with GOD
Seth Kade 12-17-08 HG Hero and home with GOD
Ashtyn Layne 1-17-09 HG HERO and home to be with God
Eragon Cade 12-12-09 HG Survivor
Who was aware of our last and final pregnancy! Close Family & Friends...I wish I could have announced Our wonderful news to the world from the beginning! Now we are ready to tell the world our story amazing as it may seem!
Eragon Cade 12-12-09 HG Survivor
Who was aware of our last and final pregnancy! Close Family & Friends...I wish I could have announced Our wonderful news to the world from the beginning! Now we are ready to tell the world our story amazing as it may seem!
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